Underestimating Ourselves

Why do we underestimate ourselves so much?  Is it out of fear?  So we don’t disappoint ourselves?

I was born with a huge imagination and with that came a knowing.  A knowing of just how much I could accomplish.  Lots of things pile on and make it seem impossible but deep down I still have my voice telling me to just do it because I’ll succeed.  So I’m not exactly sure what the answers to my aforementioned questions are.  What do I let stop me from following my dreams? Maybe that’s just fine.  Maybe it’s in the asking that I’ll make a difference in my life or yours.

When I write something here, I like to help.  I like to give some sort of advice or tricks or inspiration.  Me asking a question and not giving an answer used to seem wrong.  Unfinished and unsatisfying.

A wise friend said this the other day and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

“Maybe you’re not supposed to be the one with all the answers, just the questions.”

My favorite uncle, Tony Robbins, says you have to ask quality questions. I agree.

Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers. - Tony Robbins(source)

I don’t need to help everyone all the time, including myself.  Just because I don’t know exactly what needs to be done next doesn’t mean I’m stuck and creating nothing.

I don’t need all the answers.

I don’t need to be perfect to help people.

That’s all.

~Whitney Victoria

Advertisements

Commitment Issues

It’s not what you think.  Well, maybe a little.  The last month or so I’ve really noticed how much I sign up for, RSVP “yes” to, and overall commit to doing that I just don’t actually want to do.  I’m an over-committer.

I’ve always been reliable and professional.  Committing to things seemed like a perfect way to prove that I was grown-up and trustworthy.  It was like a way to give myself proof  that I was doing the right thing.  Flaky people don’t complete fitness challenges or make plans months in advance, right?  It’s been my goal up until recently to present my best self to everyone at all times. That’s another major issue…but this lead me to care so much what people thought of me that I usually didn’t stop to think why I wanted to do it.

I’ve seen too many people cancel at the last minute or show up late or go from obsessing over the latest trend to forgetting all about it a month later.  For a reason I’m still unsure of, I labeled that kind of behavior “bad” or “wrong.”  Obviously, I didn’t want anyone to think of me that way.

I’m crediting mostly my amazing week in NJ at a Tony Robbins event with finally realizing who I want to be and how much I’m not being that person.  (Also another huge, long story, but truly groundbreaking for me.)

After that moment of seeing it all before me, it dawned on me that so many of my commitments I did in order to feel a certain way.  I’d force myself to go to meetings or show up for a shift of whatever when really I wanted to be at home baking or at the gym in a class. It’s been years since I’ve not had almost every single moment planned out.  I even made (make…I’m a work in progress) lists for my days off.  I’ll write down “watch Grey’s Anatomy, roast vegetables, shower.”  Seriously, I’ve written “shower” on my to-do lists…like I’d forget or something.

What I didn’t realize is that the things I’d forget to do probably weren’t things that got me excited or led me to some kind of joyful outcome.  I’m getting better and letting go and going with my impulses.  They don’t steer me wrong.  I just have to breathe and listen.

Maybe 2 weeks ago I told several people that they shouldn’t allow me to sign up for anything unless it was a one-time thing like one yoga class until the new year.  No going to that class and then buying a 10-class package so I’d pigeon-hole myself into going, thinking it was for my own good when really it would make me miserable.

This week I thought, “wait, me making a pact to not commit to anything is exactly the kind of stupid rules and games I’m trying to quit.”

It’s actually not about never making plans.  It’s about only doing things that make me happy.  That’s what matters.

In lighter news, my pecan pie was made using Pillsbury cinnamon rolls as the crust and this recipe for the filling.  (No corn syrup!)  It was pretty good but I think I’d like more filling next time since the rolls absorbed a lot of the moisture when baking. img_6523.jpgThe outfit.  Simple, festive-enough, and all pieces I already owned.  Weird for me, but I loved it this year. img_6546.jpgIt’s a tradition to go to Murdough’s Christmas Barn after eating Thanksgiving dinner.  This ornament is straight-up Law of Attraction.IMG_6548I appointed myself the table place card maker.  I found these little ornaments and tags.  I kept it simple and wrote each person’s name, after attaching the pinecones.  It was cute and something everyone could take home.img_6140.jpgIMG_5965

IMG_6531My tiny Hello Kitty tree is up at work!  Lucky I have a huge desk to fit all my holiday decorations.img_6561.jpg

Black Friday was goooood to me.  I got this tree for $23.  I’m fine with a semi-straggly tree this year when it’s just me enjoying it.  I’ve always been partial to the Charlie Brown trees of the lot anyway.  It’s clearly still in the works but at least it’s up!

img_6560.jpgOne month exactly until my birthday.  I like to do a little soul-searching this time of year. I’m striving for following my instincts so I can do more of what I love, more of the time.

~Whitney Victoria

November’s First Wellness Wednesday

Had a free coffee at Barnes and Noble.  My darling mother gave me a coupon! Because it’s delicious and I like plain old iced coffee.  Side note: a few people had subtle Halloween costumes on and I take back what I said about being over it;  I feel a little Scrooge-like not even wearing my black cat earrings.  Oh well.  It doesn’t have to be a recognized holiday for me to celebrate and dress up.  IMG_6187

 

November is here!  I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving and the second best holiday, Black Friday (it’s my shopping Olympics!). The month is a the 11th month on the calendar.  11 is a master number if you know anything about numerology.  I’d like to know more.  I didn’t believe in it until recently when I suddenly realized I really am characteristic of a 5…too much?

Isn’t my cat calendar adorable?  I have it on my shelf at my desk.  I bought it in Bryant Park last year and got my sister a Corgi shaped one too.

img_6194.jpg

I wanted to throw in a snap of one of my magnets.  Let’s stop waiting for things.  This isn’t a dress rehearsal.

IMG_6196We all know it’s a cliche now, but I truly believe in the Law of Attraction.  Turns out, almost everyone successful, famous, happy, etc. does too.  Einstein, Tesla, Will Smith, Oprah, the list goes on and on.  It doesn’t have to be some hokey principle that you follow like a cult, although you can be as open about it as you wish.  Basically every athlete sees themselves making the shot/goal/play before they do it.  They’re visualizing themselves as a success.  They feel themselves being who they want to be before it happens in real life.

You act how you want to feel.  You follow things that make you happy.  Those actions lead to more joyful things.

That is all.  Simple, right?  You got it?  Oh good.  Tell me how easy it is.

The more you quiet your mind and sit still for a little, the easier it is to hear where you’re being led.  It’s 1000x easier for your inspired thoughts to come through if you practice meditation.  I used to think it was pretentious to say “I practice mediation.  I’ve been neglecting my bikram yoga practice.”  What, can’t I just “do” yoga?? Why is it such an important thing like a medical practice?  But then, i read somewhere why they call it a “practice.”  It’s hard and you are always going to be progressing and gaining strength and mental focus.  Same goes for meditation. (Tomorrow I’m going to tell you about my experiences with meditation.  You know, really dive deep.)

I had a major epiphany a few months ago and can now see the person I want to be.  That sounds silly but it’s true.  Sooo, I’ve been experimenting and asking myself what I’d do as future me before I make a decision.  It’s magic.  Maybe I clearly know myself more than others, so I’m not sure this would work for everyone.  However, it’s pretty simple when my mind is clear to hear my true thoughts.

Back to attracting.  It’s not about changing what you don’t like, it’s about not focusing on it at all.

Yesterday, I went for a run.  I still haven’t been back on track and I decided to take a different mental approach.  I slept in instead of the gym visit I had planned and honestly thought, “What would I do if I was the person who I know I”m supposed to be?”  Oh, I would readjust my schedule and go running after work!  I could see myself being proud and having that great, sweaty, accomplished tiredness.  All that is exactly what prompted me to pack my workout gear and take it along so I could change and head to the trails immediately after work.  It was a hard 3 miles.  I needed to remember this.  Even at the height of working out, it was still difficult! I’ve slacked so much in the last three months and have’t been consistent with any specific exercise for awhile.  But, I started making it a practice of mine to have (mostly) positive thoughts when I run.  Even if it’s tough and I want to stop, I make sure to turn it around and give myself a pep talk.  Sometimes I play games with myself, like I’ll run to the next tree then slow down if I really need it.  Or, I won’t look at my Garmin until the next miles beeps.  I’m not into music when I run outside and it’s funny because every now and then I start singing a song in my head.  It’s a fun thing that passes the time.

IMG_6222
Yes, those are tiny gnats on my face.  P.S. that shirt is from the little boys’ section of Walmart.  It was literally $1.  I wear it more than my expensive Brooks tops.

It’s all about not focusing on the hard stuff.  I could easily think, “oh my god.  It’s cold. I’m done,” the entire time and end up miserable.  But I know how great I feel when it’s over, knowing I persevered.  Today was good for me because it was chilly and I forgot how much breathing in cold air makes it even tougher to breathe.  I had some side stitches because I haven’t stuck to my normal decently healthy diet that I would do when running regularly.  There was a moment when I was mad at myself for letting my fitness level slip.  Right then, I had a small/instrumentally huge thought. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten good at switching gears to happy thoughts or maybe the universe told me but this is what I thought:

“It never has to be this hard again.”

That’s right.  I could take where I was at that moment and keep moving.

Every time I run I’ll progress.  Even if it feels physical just as tough, my mental state will have improved.

There never has to be a day that I quit.  I always get a second chance to do it again.

~Whitney Victoria

 

Get Back to Happy

Okay, I’m fine with my job but that doesn’t mean it’s not easier to think about the weekend and all the great things that will make me happy then.   Or maybe you actually love your job and you are a little aimless on Saturday.  Whatever the case, you can snap your fingers and change you mood in any situation.

I already planned to write a little ditty about this when I saw Gary Vee’s quote on LinkedIn today.  It’s perfect for this convo.

“It’s starts with being honest with ourselves … and getting ourselves happy, once you do that you don’t have negativity inside to deploy and you start being optimistic and positive and that leads to results for you, your family and society.” -Gary Vaynerchuk

I like good vibes.  I want to stay in the zone as much as possible, no matter what time of day it is.  Aligning with the things that make me feel great sounds easy but what if you don’t know how?

The easiest way to know what makes you happy is make a list!  (Yes!!! A legit reason for list making that won’t make me feel like a Type A psycho!)  Sit down for just like 15 minutes.  There were be little things and big things you come up with.  A bunch of your items will probably be things you can do today!

Sure, you might have “skiing in the Swiss Alps ” down.   I bet just looking at a picture of it will create positive feelings right now.  This makes me pretty darn happy and I’m excited for a chance to bask in the sun on a snowy mountaintop.  It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a trip scheduled.  The universe knows how much I appreciate this example so it bring more of that for me to enjoy.

(source)

I know this is surprisingly tough for some to pinpoint so I’m sharing a semi-short list of my own happy triggers.

Giving someone a gift: I get sooo excited to give presents and find myself constantly buying little things for others or baking them cupcakes like this display I put together last year for co-workers.  It was probably more fun for me than they got out of it!IMG_1645

Drinking diner coffee: Diners are so classic and dependable.  Pancakes, bacon, and coffee refills-my standard order no matter what time of day!IMG_1619

Watching 17 Again – specifically this scene (You’re welcome!):  I have Zac dibs.  My love has not wavered ever since 11th grade when I saw High School Musical…yes, I was still watching the Disney channel in high school.

 

Singing in the car – bonus points for songs from Glee: They have the best versions of pop songs that are literally made for sing alongs!img_3781.jpg

Having manicured nails: I’ve tried to convince myself it doesn’t bother me to have raggedy nails but, wow, do I feel better about myself when they’re done.  

Wouldn’t these be adorable for winter??(source)

Fresh flowers around: Walking into a room and seeing blooming flowers is a huge mood lifter. I’ve bought cheaper bouquets at Giant for like $3.99 and they’re gorgeous.  I don’t need to have a dozen red roses on my dining room table every day.  Tulips like this at Whole Foods are my favorites.IMG_4285

Disney World: I’m still so obsessed with it and need to go back ASAP. It really is like magic there.  Every detail is tailored to Disney and making you feel like you’re a kid again.fullsizeoutput_1290

Perfectly cut bangs: It’s tough living the life of a wavy-haired curl with a five-finger forehead.  Bangs are a necessity so when they’re great…They. Are. Great. 

My forever #hairgoals – Dakota Johnson.(source)

Flannel shirts *see lumberjack attraction: Wearing flannel myself is cozy and cute and makes me think of cold weather, but it’s even better on a guy.  How about we go super dorky and wear matching shirts?  I’m down.Harrison Ford. Not many men can look that redneck and that HOT at the same time. jus' sayin' :D(source)

Creating something -anything, really!:  Baking, crocheting a scarf, coloring a picture, whatever. Creating makes me feel powerful.  I put something new out into the world, like this tie-dyed shirt. IMG_1200

Giggling:  It could be a friend and me laughing or just witnessing a little kid doing it!

IMG_1718

Write a quick list for yourself.  I know you can do it!

Comment and tell me something that gets you back to happy!

~Whitney Victoria