Author: Whitney Victoria

I’d like to make a grand gesture post and say “I’m back!,” but it’s not really about that. It’s been months and months of me avoiding any type of writing and most social media for several reasons. When I get honest with myself though it all comes down to perfectionism. There has been a call in me to share all the “wellness-y” things I love and research for quite a long time but every time I begin I start questioning myself so much. “Am I following a niche? Who is my audience? Does anyone care? Are my photos and posts curated enough? Are they too curated? Blah blah blah.”

I don’t know if any of those things are actually important other than being told my so-called experts that it’s what I “should” be doing if I want to gain an audience. When it comes down to it I like sharing because I am passionate about feeling good and I’ve already done so much research on my own that I feel like I might as well share it with others who could be interested in similar things.

Other people are not the problem, it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. Another big block for me is that I have a lot of interests that are seemingly unrelated. I worry I’ll pigeonhole myself into one area and then get sick of it. For as long as I can remember I am the one who has been trying to put me in a neat, little box so I could label myself as _____. Sustainability is important to me but then I feel guilty I own a large wardrobe and enjoy getting new (usually thrifted) items. How can I post about journaling when I skipped a day?! I absolutely love eating healthy foods but I also have a strange love affair with candy canes, circus peanuts (I might be the only one on Earth who actually likes these!), rainbow sprinkles, and Lindt truffles.

No one needs to be able to figure me out. Perfect is boring. I don’t really want to be someone who is too predictable or I realized lately that I am always allowed to change my mind and also that one little blog or Instagram page or whatever is not ever going to share every aspect as myself, nor should it. Showing up with never be perfect so we cannot wait for that feeling. Showing up is how we grow and how we learn and how we connect.

All I know from hiding away is that it did not work either. Privacy is wonderful and necessary but if it’s done out of fear it will never lead to growth. I’ll probably always have mini moments of fear I am not providing enough value for someone or that the thing I just said is silly. Each time I show up is just a brief slice of time, a tiny piece of me and my personality in that second. Would I expect one puzzle piece to show me the whole picture? Never. Humans are not like that, so I cannot expect that from myself. The people I connect with the most and keep going back to are the real ones and the ones who are honest, imperfect, and themselves.

So here’s to showing up, however that may look. Hopefully something I say inspires you, makes you think, or teaches you anything you didn’t know before. And here’s to trusting the Universe that it is guiding me to show up in the best way, for the highest good.

~Whitney

This morning I wanted an apple fritter.  Actually I craved a fritter from Wawa, in all it’s oversized, doughy fabulousness. Like, very specific.  I needed this one.  For an hour or so while I thought about it, no other substitute would do. I also was out of coffee at home and needed to buy some.  Wawa coffee is cheap but oh so wonderful.  As I drove there, wrestling in my mind if I should allow myself a delicious, wheat-filled doughnut, I had so many thoughts.  This quote above came to mind that I just saw on IG last night…now I had a decision to make.

It’s not life and death.  I can have a doughnut if I want to.  No one would care and they would just think it’s pretty normal for someone’s breakfast when stopping at a glorified (i.e. magical) gas station.

This I know.  However, I also know how terrible I felt basically every other time I ate an apple fritter.  At first the taste was incredible. It’s the slightest bit crunchy on the outside, pillowy on the inside, with hints of apple, cinnamon, and the best glaze over it all.  But, within like 15 minutes, my throat hurt; I felt foggy; I was suddenly super lethargic; My eyes felt dryer.  The rest of the day I ate completely gluten free and, even so, the next morning I still felt like I was coming down with something.  I just felt pretty gross, almost like I was fighting off a cold.

As I pulled in to the parking lot, I thought about all of this.  I also thought about the nice pumpkin spice oatmeal and strawberries I had packed for myself for breakfast, sitting in my lunch bag on my front seat.  This moment was such a straightforward lesson in instant gratification and how it (usually) never serves us.

So I walked in, mostly sure I wouldn’t get a fritter, saw the $1 Any Size Coffee sign on the door (bonus!), and just bought my Cuban roast 24 oz.  I did walk into one snack aisle, looked at the bars and cookies, searching for something G-free that might be a meager substitute but left with just the coffee. On the way to work I decided there are plenty of places I could get a gluten free/healthy-ish dessert.  Not to mention just how many recipes I had saved on my Pinterest boards for, you guessed it, gluten free apple fritters.  This is not the end all be all.  There are plenty of other ways to get my fix that won’t leave me with a gluten hangover.

I know in the scheme of things this was not a hard decision but it got me thinking.

How many things do we do just for the instant rush of pleasure?

Then once it’s over, we crash and burn and feel worse off than we did before.

I know that there are many tough situations to navigate out there so why make it harder on myself by choosing the easy route?  This isn’t always bad.  Sometimes it’s nice to have my cup of hot coffee 10 minutes after I roll out of bed.  It makes me happy.  But, I think we all know just how precarious it can be to follow our every whim.  I’m a big believer in following my instincts and all but that’s subtly different.  My gut instinct knew having a doughnut would not make me feel good.  My urge for instant gratification tried to tell me I deserved it, like the little devil on my shoulder waving a processed pastry in my face, saying it would make me feel better.  This has been a long road to self-discovery when I turned to intuitive eating.  It was about so much more than food.  I was either restricting or going off the rails.  And guess what?  Neither made me happy or feel healthier.  And eating “better” or eating “junk food” also doesn’t make me good or bad.  But sometimes, discipline does make you a better person in the long run.

Why yes, the apple fritter is a metaphor.  Hopefully you can relate it to something in your life that seems like the greatest idea of all time and then moments later leaves you sad and broken on the floor.

While I do believe there are things I need to get out of my system, I also know that some things aren’t worth the pain.

Life means I’m learning just how much I truly know what’s best for me, in food, in life, in everything, even if that might mean skipping the doughnut.

~Whitney V.

Today I got to thinking about motivation.  It’s billed as this thing you either have or you don’t. He’s a motivated person.  Oh, she’s so driven.

We think to ourselves, “why am I so lazy?” Aka: “why do I have no motivation to do this specific thing I think I should be doing?”

I think we can only have motivation for things we truly want to do. Yes, I know, what does this mean for things  we don’t love, like going to work for some people or exercising?  I’ve been thinking about that too. I think when the money/health benefits/paid vacay days add up to something you appreciate having, the job or workout still motivates you to go and at least do the minimum you need to do to stay in good shape.

Everything we do has a motivator, a reason why we do it. Sometimes that motivator is fun, or pain, or free food.  Who knows?  It’s always something unique to the situation but it’s always there.

Ever since I became acutely aware of this, I’d say maybe 5 years ago, I try my best to not be led by fear or anger or sadness.  No negative emotion, really.  Unless I’m being chased by a bear or something.  Obvi, not life and death situations, people.

It brings to mind the Nelson Mandela quote,

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”

That’s it.

I want to go toward something exciting.  I do not want to run away because fear is my driving force. I don’t want to be motivated to prove someone wrong. I especially do not want to stay small and quiet because I’m afraid.

I know this is not a new concept, but that doesn’t mean it’s something most of us follow.  This is easy to And in this beautiful but brash world we live in, it’s definitely not easy.

All we can do is be conscious of our actions, and, ultimately, what motivates us.

Our thoughts become things. Maybe not always physical things but they sure do manifest into emotions that directly affect our daily lives. I do not want to be made up of fear or scarcity or anger.

I have no new perspective for you. I’m just saying it because it should be said. Notice your thoughts. Notice what drives you. Even if one person follows their positive instincts for one day, it’s made a difference.

~Whitney