I’d like to make a grand gesture post and say “I’m back!,” but it’s not really about that. It’s been months and months of me avoiding any type of writing and most social media for several reasons. When I get honest with myself though it all comes down to perfectionism. There has been a call in me to share all the “wellness-y” things I love and research for quite a long time but every time I begin I start questioning myself so much. “Am I following a niche? Who is my audience? Does anyone care? Are my photos and posts curated enough? Are they too curated? Blah blah blah.”
I don’t know if any of those things are actually important other than being told my so-called experts that it’s what I “should” be doing if I want to gain an audience. When it comes down to it I like sharing because I am passionate about feeling good and I’ve already done so much research on my own that I feel like I might as well share it with others who could be interested in similar things.
Other people are not the problem, it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. Another big block for me is that I have a lot of interests that are seemingly unrelated. I worry I’ll pigeonhole myself into one area and then get sick of it. For as long as I can remember I am the one who has been trying to put me in a neat, little box so I could label myself as _____. Sustainability is important to me but then I feel guilty I own a large wardrobe and enjoy getting new (usually thrifted) items. How can I post about journaling when I skipped a day?! I absolutely love eating healthy foods but I also have a strange love affair with candy canes, circus peanuts (I might be the only one on Earth who actually likes these!), rainbow sprinkles, and Lindt truffles.
No one needs to be able to figure me out. Perfect is boring. I don’t really want to be someone who is too predictable or I realized lately that I am always allowed to change my mind and also that one little blog or Instagram page or whatever is not ever going to share every aspect as myself, nor should it. Showing up with never be perfect so we cannot wait for that feeling. Showing up is how we grow and how we learn and how we connect.
All I know from hiding away is that it did not work either. Privacy is wonderful and necessary but if it’s done out of fear it will never lead to growth. I’ll probably always have mini moments of fear I am not providing enough value for someone or that the thing I just said is silly. Each time I show up is just a brief slice of time, a tiny piece of me and my personality in that second. Would I expect one puzzle piece to show me the whole picture? Never. Humans are not like that, so I cannot expect that from myself. The people I connect with the most and keep going back to are the real ones and the ones who are honest, imperfect, and themselves.
So here’s to showing up, however that may look. Hopefully something I say inspires you, makes you think, or teaches you anything you didn’t know before. And here’s to trusting the Universe that it is guiding me to show up in the best way, for the highest good.
One thought on “Perfectionism, A Block”
This is so good! I love your brain and your words and all of the fun things about you!